it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
