I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
