I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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