Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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