i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
