After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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