Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
