You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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