Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
