i just wanna soil my oats bro
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
