He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god it's open bar.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
