we're blogging at a bar
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
