First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
