i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
