nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
