that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
