Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
