In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
