Cold hands, warm shart.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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