No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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