does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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