Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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