I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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