How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
