why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry my hands just texted you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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