Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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