3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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