Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
