I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
