I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
