naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
