pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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