let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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