We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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