I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
