So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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