If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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