Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
