I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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