your thong is hanging out like whoa
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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