i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
