I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
