He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
