he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
