what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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