We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
