i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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