Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize