What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
