i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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