i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
