Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
