she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize