i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
