i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
