he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
