Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
