I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i think i just lost a toe
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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