Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
