laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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