Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
