Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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