we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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