When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
