i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He has the fingertips of a God
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