How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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